From mtodorov@domac.alu.hr Fri Jul 11 15:48:14 2003 Path: CARNet.hr!not-for-mail From: Mirsad Todorovac Newsgroups: hr.fido.glasnost Subject: System Danger-o-meter Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2003 13:07:16 +0000 (UTC) Organization: CARNet, CROATIA Lines: 181 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: domac.alu.hr X-Trace: bagan.srce.hr 1057669636 17050 161.53.235.3 (8 Jul 2003 13:07:16 GMT) X-Complaints-To: abuse@carnet.hr NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2003 13:07:16 +0000 (UTC) User-Agent: tin/1.5.14-20020917 ("Chop Suey!") (UNIX) (Linux/2.4.17 (i686)) Xref: CARNet.hr hr.fido.glasnost:16177 SYSTEM DANGER-O-METER ===================== Yuri was standing satisfied before his invention. It was It. It was That. It was Everything. It was the Final Solution. It was the Missing Link, the solution of square upon a circle problem. It was the small gadget that will help his Party solve all of the problems of his country, and regain ascendence over West. It was a System Danger-o-Meter. It was a precise device telling how much a person or a thing is dangerous for the Party. And it did exactly that. And on 16 decimal places it did it. "Speaking about double precision", said Yuri, packing the gadget into his pocket, going out to do some testing. He is going to present this before Comittee and there must not be an error. Error in something like this would be a mayor embarrassment. "If comrade Stalin had my Danger-o-Meter, he'd know who is truly dangerous for the Party and there would never be an error. The Party would have kept those scientists who were executed or sent to Siberia by mistake or by the setup of the enemy.", though Yuri. "Communism was thought to be a system more just that rotten, exploiting capitalism, and with this device it would work out." "Hi, Yuri!" "Zdravstvuj!", Yuri replied. "I see you have a new gadget." "Will you help me test it?" "It's my job." Yuri and the strange person went forth from that place. They went into city. Then Yuri saw a picture of a person who was suspected to work for the mafia. "It's OK, you can use it." Yuri was embarrassed. The stranger knew exactly what Yuri was doing. It must have been the KGB then. But KGB knows Yuri is reliable and faithful to the causes of the Party, so there should be no problems. He pointed the device towards the picture. The gadget's diode glowed red and the display was showing 7.6 -- a little surprizing for Yuri, since he expected the mafia guy to be more dangerous for the Party. Yuri pointed the Danger-o-Meter to an accidental passenger, and it showed 4.6 ... So, it should be configured more precise. Anyway, the person just passing could have been a foreign spy of little importance. The Danger-o-Meter could not err. Or could it? Maybe there was a defect in silicon? Or flaw like Pentium divide bug? He looked feeling helplessly for a moment at the stranger. He seemed friendly. "That's what testing is for, isn't it, Yuri?" Yuri noded. "But this is not the problem now. The problem is the gadget is working correctly, to the last decimal place. Your neural-path-meters are working correctly." Yuri went on. The stranger dissapeared. He pointed the device at the worker. He seemed like a good Party material. "8.6" -- surprizing. "It is not surprizing. The mafia guy will stay quiet, while this worker will see a movie from black market in seven years that will make him dream of liberties. He will doubt in Party leadership, and start to desire what you call rotten democracy." "Are you a spy?", Yuri yelled, but there was no one behind him. "I must be hearing things from sleeplessness", he thought. He went further. The ray of Danger-o-Meter passed across the face of a child. It beeped. "10.2". The child went forth unsuspecting. "This child could be very beneficial for the Party, but he'll never join. He's too much reluctant to authority. He'll learn about the West, and start to want it." Yuri turned around, but there was no one again. "You can report him as dangerous, and receive precisous points before leadership. They could approve your program. Background checks will render him as dangerous indeed even by standard procedures." Yuri was reluctant. The child was just 12. It was not something he had in mind. If it was the mafia guy with this level of danger, he wouldn't hesitate. The Danger-o-Meter blinked again. "10.3". "The school teacher. A young woman with ideals that will make them dream of something that will not be achievable under Party as it is. This would require either change of the system, or - worse - change of certain leaders." Blinked again. Pigeon. "Pigeons can be trained to carry messages, Yuri. They can serve enemy propaganda." Yuri stood helpless again. He doubted. The device, himself, and worse ... Party. He pointed the device against himself. "12.0". Maximum. It beeped and blinked like crazy. "Is there a problem, comrade?", asked a rather conservative policeman. "No, everything is right." "But why is it beeping?" "No, it's harasho." "What does it say? A Danger-o-Meter? This is dangerous. I'd better call my commanding officer." * * * Yuri was before a party commission. He was sweating. He had a good reason for it. "We don't understand the math behind this gadget, neither would we care if it would work, but it's obviously faulty. It beeps at everything. Whoever even points this this 'Danger-o-Meter' even at his own reflection in the mirror, it displays "12.0", which is accidentally also the maximum.", the agent said ridiculing, then he added, "Are we all dangerous to the Party, comrade Yuri?" Yuri stood there looking at the floor. "Wait a minute!", the agent said. He pointed the Danger-o-Meter against himself, then against his colleagues ... "2.6", he said. "2.9" ... "1.8" ... Sashenka, you are the most reliable of us three, ha, ha, ha. Indeed you most reliabley destroy vodka so nobody gets hurt by it, don't you!" Sashenka was amuzed. Then the three agents looked at each other. They noded. They pointed the device to the mirror. "12.0" ... They sat. * * * Yuri was feeling safe again. No one will ever build a Danger-o-Meter according to his sketches. He went his most usual paths. Nothing was suspicious. Then, at an instant, he pointed the device against the crowd. The numbers ran up and down. He waited until the numbers reached maximum on a fellow, then checked with another copy of the device. He was now sure it was _the_ most dangerous person in the crowd for the Party. He started approaching. "Excuse me, what is the time?" -- he asked. The most dangerous man in the street turned around and smiled. "We've been expecting you for months." * * * In the streets of London, Yuri was finally feeling free to take a deep breath. He knew what he had to do. He took the Danger-o-Meter and placed it at the rail. Both copies. He watched them smashing to pieces beyond recognition. Then he asked himself again -- is it the Danger-o-Meter's reflection that was the greatest danger for the system, or a simple, plain mirror?